Forgotten Love

heart in leafs

A conversation with a fellow worship leader during breakfast this morning triggered much thoughts. It was several years back when he was very busy with his church’s Easter program. After the event ended, he had a vision when he sat down. He was walking up the stairs in his church and at the stairwell, a man in white met him. He knew that He was Jesus, even though he could not see His face. Jesus asked him, “What are you looking for?” Immediately, his replied, “I am looking for Jesus!” The vision stopped and it hit him hard that he missed Jesus even though He was right in front of him. God is not in the earthquake, whirlwind and fire. He does not want to be found in the spectacular. He is found in the intimate quietness where true and deep fellowship can be established.

Often times we lived as though Jesus is not in our midst but in fact, He is very much ALIVE.” As these words left my lips, I was gripped. The impact of this statement hit me hard. It was the Holy Spirit at work in bringing conviction to us.

“When I saw Him, I fell at His feet like a dead man. And He placed His right hand on me, saying, “Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and the living One; and I was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of death and of Hades.” – Revelation 1:17-18 (NASB)

When I am bored, I play with my phone, completely purposeless.
When I am lonely, I hang out with friends for temporary anaesthesia.
When I am treated badly, I retaliate which makes me no better.
When I am hurt, i cry myself a river of self-pity that does not heal.
When I am impatient, I lose my cool and hinder the pace.
When I feel unloved, I withdraw and build more walls.

The reality of Jesus is alive does not seem to be too evident in my life. For if I am fully aware and conscious of Jesus’ presence:

I will remind myself of my destiny and purpose in Jesus when I am bored.
I will go to the secret place with Jesus for deep fellowship when I am lonely.
I will make my case before Jesus and let Him make things right when I am treated badly.
I will go to Jesus for my balm of Gilead when I am hurt
I will trust in Jesus’ perfect timing when I am impatient
I will let Jesus fill up my love tank when I feel unloved.

Jesus is the answer and yet my natural instinct is not Him. I want Him to be alive and working in me. I want to have the fullness that He promised.

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