It is hard to tell at times when it is just my own sensing or the Holy Spirit’s fore-warning. Some says foreboding is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Perhaps the reason why the Holy Spirit forewarn is to prepare. Prepare for the battle ahead. Perhaps some faith extremist will say that I shouldn’t even entertain such thoughts as they are of the devil. As a child of God, does it mean that life will be void of storms? Often times, men and women of faith that inspire many are people who have battled storms that the sheer thought of their stories causes many to faint. A person without any storms almost feels as though he/she never earned the right to stand with fellow men who are facing unthinkable storms. Fear is inevitable but not being paralysed by fear is a choice. Preparing my heart, mind and spirit for the battle ahead I don’t think it is being fatalistic. In fact much needed. If the battle is averted, rejoice! If the battle comes head on, I am ready to hold my ground.
Here comes the struggle, will I be willing to take on the battles and bear the scars of victory or would I rather take the comfortable and safe pathway? The adventurous and goal-getting part of me is wanting to gear on forward for the prize of victory. Yet the weary and worn soul is saying give me the easy path as I can’t take it anymore.
The limbo state of waiting for the verdict, medical tests and reports, does make one come face to face with the question, “Is Christ my all?” The Lord has challenged me in many areas that past years almost liken to pulling the carpet off my feet. Some I have overcome, and some still learning to give Him full Lordship. This round, it is the physical. Even if I lose any of my physical abilities, will I be able to praise Him and serve Him with the same heart, mind and soul? It is perhaps easier to die the physical death than to live a life of physical weakness. Making full sense of Paul’s statement of “For me to live is Christ, to die is gain.” Only when I know that Christ has fully embraced me in His love will I then be able to face this life of physical weakness of pain and suffering in full security, knowing that it is all worthwhile.
This decision may not be needed in reality, but it is a test. No matter how the physical works out, the first thing God looks at is the heart. May my heart be in the right place, in His place.