Desperate for Wholeness

Life is full of ups and downs. For me, the past decade or so was plagued with significant downs that feel like a terribly strong person driving a punch into my abdominal with all his might taking all my breath out of me. Still, I pressed on and kept the faith. I continued serving the Lord, I lived my life and tried to enjoy it as much as I could. Yet within me, I was drained and emptied out. In my mind, I know that this should not be the case for believers as God is my everything. He is more than able to heal me and I should be rejoicing for the salvation of the Lord with the indwelling of His Holy Spirit as a guarantee of His promise. The truth of God that I am so familiar with was not aligned with what I was feeling within me when I laid everything bare. Did I miss something in this fullness in this life that Jesus promised for He is not a liar?

When our physical bodies are unwell, we see a doctor. What happens when our spirit is unwell? What happens when our emotions are so broken by the arrows of life? Inner healing ministry is not something new to me as I was exposed to it almost a decade ago. That exposure created a basic understanding of the make-up of our being, being body, soul and spirit. When any of these 3 parts are injured, our whole being is affected and we feel misaligned on the inside.The exposure was more to be equipped with some basic skills to minister to those who come to me.

I was desperate for wholeness and to live fully in the promises of Christ.

Last week, I went in search for Inner Healing ministries, praying that God will grant me some help through this. This new season is too important for me to miss out on God’s wave because of all the baggages I have. I need to offload them as they had stubbornly stuck to me even though I tried shaking them off. They became so heavy that I doubt I could run to catch God’s wave, not to say to even enjoy. There are many ministries out there which does inner healing. There are those that are very comprehensive and requires 10 weeks sessions going through all my history for a thorough “spring cleaning”. I did not have the luxury of 10 weeks and so I needed something that is a one-session based, at least for a start and if it is proven that I need more, then we will arrange again.

So I chose SOZO. It is a one session inner healing and I will start with this and see how it goes. It is a little intimidating to go for something like that, at least to me. To bare my heart to a team of people whom I have never met and for them to pray with me over matters that can be private and intimate. Thankfully, a friend came by to say hi before I entered into the room for my session. His familiar face brought much comfort! I had a team of 4 people and I can sense God’s love and gentleness in them.

My session was almost 3 hours! I think mine was a little longer than usual. They asked me some questions, not a whole list but some basic ones. What I realized in the whole session, it was not the counselors who were counseling me, but they were there to faciliate me to hear and receive from God direct. They led me in prayer, but mainly to ask God to reveal to me what were the lies that I had believe, the truth God wants to speak to me in the situation and blessings or gifts that God wanted to give me. The answers to these questions came from God to me direct. I will get words or impressions to the questions directed to God. At no point in time they actually gave me any advise from their lips, only to help me to understand and probe deeper what some of the impressions I received from God. They were also tuned in to the Holy Spirit to lead me to the areas that are wounded so that healing can take place. There were quite a number of wounds which I thought was not of great consequence were the ones which I felt the most pain when surfaced. These have unconsciously affected me and I didn’t even know! Each time a wound is closed, I sensed a weight being lifted from me. The lightness and freedom I felt, like shackles that weighed and bound me were taken off me. I cried lots, so much that my eyes felt so tired at the end of it. With my puffy eyes, I praise and thank God for His deliverance after the session.

This morning, I woke up with a smile which hardly happens as I am not a morning person! =)

I am still in the making for perfection when Christ comes, but the extra unncessarily heavy baggages have been taken off me so that I can move forward with lighter steps! Hallelujah!!

A picture drawn by one of the counselors for me during the session. This is exactly what happened!

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